This has been another interesting week for me. It has been a hard one! It started with a HUGE fight with my husband and has ended (almost - Friday is close enough) with a revelation. It is the third week that I have been back to work full-time. I hate it! I miss my baby, I miss the freedom of being able to do whatever I wanted to do during a given day. I hate that things are not getting done around my house the way I like them done (despite Brice's AWESOME work around the house this week), it's not the way I do it. I KNOW this is what I am suppose to be doing right now. I know this as sure as I know my name. BUT I don't want to. That is my life! I want things my way and on my terms. What the Lord is CONSTANTLY trying to teach me is that it HAS to be His way!
It hit me yesterday as I was talking to someone about working full-time again, that I am going about this the wrong way. I am walking the path that I know I HAVE to take, but I am dragging my feet. I am WHINING and COMPLAINING the whole way! Not quite a year ago I had this same realization (how quickly I forget these lessons and have to relearn them!) that it is not just ENDURING the trial, but finding the JOY while learning from the trial! I know this trial will not last forever! I know that one day things will go back to the way they were and I will get to spend more time with Madison and play with her and watch her grow and explore the world. Some days it is just easier than others to see the sunshine through the rain!
I was reading a blog that I follow, cjane. She just had her second baby and is having a hard time finding her groove again! She was saying how vulnerable she feels. How out of control and just not together. I remember feeling feeling that same way. All women do! She said that she remembered she felt that way when her first came along and that she had to find her way through to get back on familiar ground and that's when it hit me for the second time (within 16 hours of each other) that it's just a matter of perspective. We ALL have trials. We all have times when we feel lost, out of control and so close to feeling helpless. We are not though. We are NOT alone and NEVER should we be hopeless. How grateful I am for the gospel. I am so grateful to know that I can get on my knees and pray to my Heavenly Father and ask him to help me through the trial. He gives me strength when I think or feel that I have none left. I'm also grateful for good friends that pull me out of my slump and try to push me out of my funk! I have so many blessings! I just need to keep my eye on the prize.
So.. this week has come to an end (again it's Friday) and I am hopeful that I can keep my perspective and endure this trial the way that my Heavenly Father wants me to. I'll keep you posted on that!
3 comments:
Oh Cass! I love this post. It really is all about perspective, you aren't alone and you have a ton of friends and family who love and support anything you decide. Enjoy the ride as best you can and find joy and peace in all that you do. I love you so much and hope that your perspective adjustment has made a difference.
So well said. I agree at one point or another we all go up and down on the joys and trials of life. No one gets out without a trial or two. I agree some get more than others and you wonder why, but thats not what really matters. I guess thats easier to say today cuz I'm not the one with the trial right this sec. (trust me I have a hard time believing it when I am in the dark spot). With that being said thank you for your words. YOu are such a strong girl. I look up to you for so much. You can do anything. Good luck with things. I hope they work out the way you want them sooner than later. Love you!
Hang in there Cass- I love ya- and we don need to get together for pure fun and sanity purposes!@!!
Post a Comment